How to fly home: a decision of feeling and reason
I have been pondering my plans for summer lately. I took a flight training course sponsored by a Colby alum during Jan Plan; it was perfect for anyone looking for a career in aviation. The instructors were helpful in describing every aspect of flying, including the technical aspects of aviation as well as possible career paths.
Starting a flight career seems promising. My parents were supportive and urged me to stay in the United States for the summer to explore aviation. However, I am still a little hesitant, because I would prefer to return home to China to see my family.
In general, when making a major decision, it seems logical to push away irrelevant factors like irrational emotions and transient impulses. We should focus on the present situation to find the best solution.
If I want to stay local to pursue my potential flight career, it’s more reasonable to remain here for the summer, given the hefty price of a ticket and the inevitable month-long quarantine once I arrive in China. By earning myself a private pilot license, I secure myself a stable source of income — which I may very well use to pay for a flight home.
If I remain on campus, I will fulfill my parents’ wishes and prove that I am a good kid who listens to them. They will be pleased to see that I am able to live independently when they can no longer be by my side, easing my parents’ anxiety over a somewhat significant life decision.
My other option is to fly back home and stay with my parents. Let us for a moment suppose that I do fly back. It makes me a disobedient son in the sense that I did not follow my parents’ advice. I will have also lost the opportunity to obtain a private pilot’s license. It seems that I could lose everything by one decision.
Perhaps I forgot to consider something just as important: I love my parents, and I don’t want them to worry about me. This is a completely subjective thought which holds no significance to anyone but me, yet it is precisely the thought that compounds my dilemma.
The more I contemplate it, the more I confuse myself, as if I am stuck in a muddy swamp. The more I struggle with the decision of whether or not to pursue aviation, the further I sink.
My decision to remain, therefore, would increase my anxiety and homesickness. I don’t know what my parents would think from across such a long distance. I am afraid that I will further worry my parents by not being by their side and them not knowing how I am doing.
It is further compounded by the fact that it is not a problem that could simply be solved through communication because it is my very thoughts that concern me.
On one side of this issue lies my potential career path; on the other, my dearest people on Earth who I haven’t seen for nearly a year.
The person with the highest stakes in this decision is me. I am stuck because I don’t know how to rank the values of either choice by reason. They both seem equally important. The only faculty I am left with is to trust my instincts.
If I were to decide that I should stay, my love for my parents might seem less strong. If I feel that I love spending time with my parents enough to sacrifice this career opportunity, then I will fly back on a commercial airline, rather than stay to pursue a flight career.
But how is the value of a feeling determined? If I remain, I must accept the longing for my parents. If I choose to fly back, I give up my flight training opportunity, but I prioritize my love for my parents and my connections to them. So, perhaps I should start looking for plane tickets.
~ Conrad Wen ‘25
